Tucson Aftermath

I spend almost every hour of every day trying to find ways to help people communicate better with one another.  It’s my profession, and my avocation.  I always tell my trainees and audiences that communication is the secret ingredient to all human interaction.  I would like to think that when any two people sit down, with a cup of coffee, and talk over their differences, positive outcomes can occur.  After 41 years as a professional communicator, however, I have come to believe this perspective is naive.  After viewing the tragedy in Tucson, I KNOW it is naive.

I can not offer any logical explanation for what happened in Tucson, Columbine, The World Trade Center, or elsewhere.  But, I have to find a way to go on even when many of my hopes for humankind are shaken and my optimism sags.  I can’t stand up in front of my audiences with messages of gloom and doom.  Yet, I also can’t see tragedy with “rose colored glasses” as an “opportunity” for renewal the way I’ve heard some people talk or write about it in the last few days.

My only way for getting through tragedy and keeping positive as a professional communicator is to focus on small acts.  Focus on how you talk to your coworkers.  Do you greet them when you see them in the hallway?  Focus on how you interact with the clerk at Starbucks.  Do you say “Good Morning” before you bark out your coffee order.  Focus on your spouse.  Do you say “Thank you” every time they empty the dishwasher or do some small chore for you?

Small kindnesses can actually stimulate the flow of dopamine in the brain and re-charge us with both a physical and psychological “high.”  They can also become an anchor during times of grief and tragedy.

The Top 10 Trainee Comments of 2010

Take a look at the Top 10 Comments I heard from my trainees in 2010. Enjoy and Happy New Year! http://ow.ly/3wANV

Snow Already?

The leaves haven’t even been raked yet, and now there is snow!  How could they do this to us?  We need time to gradually transition into winter.  Instead, it appeared, yesterday, completely unannounced!  Our picnic table is still in the backyard trying to gallantly endure the start of winter.

At this time of the year, many of us in the Northeast, start asking ourselves: “Why do we live here?”  Some say it is the beautiful change of seasons that keeps them here.  Other love the snow.  They look forward to skiing, snowboarding, and other highly dangerous (in my opinion) activities.  I must confess, I barely WALK in the snow.  So I certainly don’t ski, snowmobile, or anything else like that.

No, I’m content to use wintertime to “catch up.”  I catch up on my reading, my journaling, my organizing (truly a Judi passion), telephone calls to old friends (yup, I’m phoning not emailing or texting), practicing the piano, and even doing a little tap dancing in my basement.

Winter is a good time for both self-reflection and reaching out to others.  Even if the cold winter evenings convince me to stay indoors, that doesn’t mean I have to become a hermit.  Skype will be a welcome addition this winter, enabling me to see many of the people I call.

If you decide to reach out too, let me know.

I call my brother & sister a lot during the winter.

My Vote Is For Civility

I’m anxious for election day next week.  I want to see an end to the mailings, phone calls, advertisements, etc.  But most of all, I’d like to see an end to the bitter name calling.  Ironically I am currently working on a new training program entitled “Civility in the Workplace.”  Maybe I should switch it to “Civility in Politics.”  Of course, I probably wouldn’t be able to get anyone to attend.  Why are so many people so dead set against courtesy in politics?

Susan Scrimshaw, President of the Sage Colleges, had a wonderful editorial in the Times Union this week in which she wrote “A return to civility in government is essential.  Without it, I fear we are drifting into a form of anarchy.”

I couldn’t agree more.  The United States was founded on the principle of “freedom of speech”.  I don’t think that has to mean “freedom of offensive speech.”  In my classes on conflict management,

Keep conflict civil.

I urge my trainees to learn how to “fight fair.”  When we “fight fair” we keep our attacks on the issues, not the personality.

In the 21st century, we have adopted an informal style of dressing and speaking.  For the most part, that has been a welcome relief from the stuffiness of post WWII America.  But when informality morphs into incivility, I believe we have gone too far.

In politics and in life, let’s keep the discourse civil.  Let’s remember to respect each other’s right to think, dress, and act differently.  Let’s remember to examine ideas dispassionately with objective reasoning and the ultimate right to agree to disagree.

Social Network Movie Reflects 2010 Life

The movie is well done, but for me, depressing.  As a person who has dedicated my professional life to helping people connect interpersonally, I shuttered to listen to the way these characters talked to each other.  I saw them put their obsessions over their friendships.  I know I’m pretty corny.  But, that’s me.  Even in this day and age, I value my relationships, both business and personal, above all us.  I love the Internet and all the benefits it can bring to me and my business, but I love face-to-face relationships even more.